she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
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