I smell stomach acid.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
