Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
