the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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