i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
