You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
