My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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