i jhust puked up my retainher.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
