turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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