I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
