just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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