I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
