so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
if only i could text you this smell
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I touched a dick in church today
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
