I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
whose parrot is this?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
