Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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