I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
