direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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