ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
