So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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