she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
