When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
