Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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