I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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