So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
