Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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