i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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