This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
