Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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