I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
