New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
