You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
