i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
