so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
