one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
