there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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