whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
