Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
