I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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