When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
