why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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