Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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