Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
