You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
