Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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