Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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