In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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