im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
