If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I will pee on everything he values.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
