there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
