Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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